You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize