forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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