You can't special order awesome
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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