I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
