she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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