Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Please don't give away my fajitas
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
