respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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