Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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