I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
