Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You are the jesus of drinking
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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