If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize