this just has baby written all over it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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