ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
