the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
