Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
