I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
