i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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