It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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