what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
