I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I currently don't understand fingers.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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