I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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