Can i not drive my cunt home
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
