every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
