Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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