but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
