so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
