they need to just BURY HIM!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
