i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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