i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
