they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
COCAINE IS GR8
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
