i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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