dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
