Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
