i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
foreskin is a definite game changer
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
