Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love having hate sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
