Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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