fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
