He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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