Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
