I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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