Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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