You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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