dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
