so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
