dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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