I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
