I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he was CRYING into my vagina
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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