I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
