anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
