You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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