hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?