we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?