I seem to have left my pride at pride
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...