I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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