like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
