I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
