Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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