I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
