youre lurking in front of me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize