I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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