Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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