you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
