Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
