Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
