he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
