So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
