I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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