Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
