At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
