Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
