After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
