don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
