i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
