She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
