She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
