cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
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he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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