I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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