Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
