Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
