R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
