my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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