walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
